Post by Cosmos on Jun 5, 2020 19:10:26 GMT
Hey! This goes perfectly with things already being mentioned and discussed, so why not?
Where did you learn how to "act like an adult"? And again, not talking about the fun stuff here. Talking about how did you first learned to pay bills, manage your money and decide on what was to be bought and what should stay on the shelf?
Personally, I was never taught how to adult. I had on one side of me my entire life, my mother managing family finances. My dad's check would be put in the bank and gone before it cleared, to make up for this he worked as a mechanic out of our house (or in parking lots, etc) and was paid for his labor in cash. So not to get reported for illegally working "on the side" cash came in and out of my house daily without a trace. Fast food was probably the biggest offender (bring on diet and obesity issues not to be discussed here), but we NEVER talked about saving for college, a rainy day or otherwise. Instead, I saw my mom struggle with not having enough money for us each and every day of my life growing up. Jessie, when you just said broke enough to not know if we were having Christmas each year, that was us. Also, working so kids like me could have insurance and health care? That's a noble cause that should never be necessary, but that was me. We didn't go to the doctor unless it was SERIOUS and then my mom would stress about the $200 urgent care bill nonstop, we had no insurance. No dental, no physicals. I got the basic shots before I was 6 years old and then nothing, because we couldn't afford it. Forever middle class and never on the radar as us kids were also out of the system being homeschooled. The government basically didn't want to acknowledged we existed out in middle class land.
That being said, I just now started to come to terms with compulsive spending and am still in the grips of it some days. We are in approximately 75k of personal debt (ie, rolled over from credit cards and crap loans since the time we were married and snowballed), but are luckily about 100k equity in an insane 670k worth of house in the current market (who knows how long that figure will last though?). I have been stuck in a "why invest when I'm paying 10-22% in interest" rut for my entire adult life. Some of it has been insanely unlucky things like a series of vehicles always leaving us in the hole or having to take on unexpected bills we had no money for, but the majority is from bad financial decisions brought about a lack of education. Also, where my head goes to comfort myself is usually food (eating out or treats) and/or spending on something I seriously do not need. I found myself in a series of "self-help" books at the beginning of 2019 that started with Marie Kondo de-cluttering my life and ending with the "Spending Fast" method in a debt free book. Altering my perspective on finances has been life changing and will hopefully TRULY be life changing when we can move of from working for "the man" because of it. I share all the finances with the household now, I used to just "take care of things" before and not burden the men of the house with the details. Stepping up and being honest with them and holding myself accountable when I do spend money has been helpful.
In short, I'm still learning how to properly adult and do feel better than ever about it. But it is a painfully slow process. We have financial meetings several times a month and a budget for everything that could conceivably happen within daily household expenses now. Every single transaction gets tracked in Mint and a spreadsheet in grave detail and where this method sucks, it seems to be working. We consolidated our credit cards for what I really think will be the last time. Going from paying 5-7 cards per month to 2 consolidation loans instead, also lowering interest rates to the 10% range and upping our credit scores well past 800. For the first time in my adult life, if we use a credit card, we pay it off at the end of the month. The consolidation loan minimums are high, but doable and they are paid off in 36 months (now closer to 33 months) and that will be that.
What do you do? Does it work? I would love to see how others adult as it seems to be a taboo conversation nobody ever has.
Where did you learn how to "act like an adult"? And again, not talking about the fun stuff here. Talking about how did you first learned to pay bills, manage your money and decide on what was to be bought and what should stay on the shelf?
Personally, I was never taught how to adult. I had on one side of me my entire life, my mother managing family finances. My dad's check would be put in the bank and gone before it cleared, to make up for this he worked as a mechanic out of our house (or in parking lots, etc) and was paid for his labor in cash. So not to get reported for illegally working "on the side" cash came in and out of my house daily without a trace. Fast food was probably the biggest offender (bring on diet and obesity issues not to be discussed here), but we NEVER talked about saving for college, a rainy day or otherwise. Instead, I saw my mom struggle with not having enough money for us each and every day of my life growing up. Jessie, when you just said broke enough to not know if we were having Christmas each year, that was us. Also, working so kids like me could have insurance and health care? That's a noble cause that should never be necessary, but that was me. We didn't go to the doctor unless it was SERIOUS and then my mom would stress about the $200 urgent care bill nonstop, we had no insurance. No dental, no physicals. I got the basic shots before I was 6 years old and then nothing, because we couldn't afford it. Forever middle class and never on the radar as us kids were also out of the system being homeschooled. The government basically didn't want to acknowledged we existed out in middle class land.
That being said, I just now started to come to terms with compulsive spending and am still in the grips of it some days. We are in approximately 75k of personal debt (ie, rolled over from credit cards and crap loans since the time we were married and snowballed), but are luckily about 100k equity in an insane 670k worth of house in the current market (who knows how long that figure will last though?). I have been stuck in a "why invest when I'm paying 10-22% in interest" rut for my entire adult life. Some of it has been insanely unlucky things like a series of vehicles always leaving us in the hole or having to take on unexpected bills we had no money for, but the majority is from bad financial decisions brought about a lack of education. Also, where my head goes to comfort myself is usually food (eating out or treats) and/or spending on something I seriously do not need. I found myself in a series of "self-help" books at the beginning of 2019 that started with Marie Kondo de-cluttering my life and ending with the "Spending Fast" method in a debt free book. Altering my perspective on finances has been life changing and will hopefully TRULY be life changing when we can move of from working for "the man" because of it. I share all the finances with the household now, I used to just "take care of things" before and not burden the men of the house with the details. Stepping up and being honest with them and holding myself accountable when I do spend money has been helpful.
In short, I'm still learning how to properly adult and do feel better than ever about it. But it is a painfully slow process. We have financial meetings several times a month and a budget for everything that could conceivably happen within daily household expenses now. Every single transaction gets tracked in Mint and a spreadsheet in grave detail and where this method sucks, it seems to be working. We consolidated our credit cards for what I really think will be the last time. Going from paying 5-7 cards per month to 2 consolidation loans instead, also lowering interest rates to the 10% range and upping our credit scores well past 800. For the first time in my adult life, if we use a credit card, we pay it off at the end of the month. The consolidation loan minimums are high, but doable and they are paid off in 36 months (now closer to 33 months) and that will be that.
What do you do? Does it work? I would love to see how others adult as it seems to be a taboo conversation nobody ever has.
